Things My Baby Is Thinking When She Cries

I feel bad for babies. There is so much NEW that they have to learn how to deal with; it’s no wonder they’re constantly hysterical.

But this is sometimes hard to remember and pity when it is 3 am and Baby Ecklet is sobbing and chin-quivering and billy-goat wailing and gasping for crying breath and I don’t know why. So I’ve drawn up a list of possible things she could be thinking to refer to and use to remind myself that sometimes it’s hard being a baby.

Baby Ecklet’s Reasons for Crying

  • IMG_0164I’M ALIVE!
  • I’m hungry.
  • I have to poop.
  • You washed my hair at the beginning of my bath and now my head is cold.
  • There’s a booger in my nose.
  • I tried to roll onto my back but now my arm is stuck underneath me and I can’t finish rolling.
  • My head is cold even though it’s dry now. It’s January, mom. Babies need hats in January.
  • You sat down while holding me. I want you to stand up. All the time.
  • You sucked a booger out of my nose.
  • I can move my arms and it’s freaking me out. Swaddle me.
  • It’s dark and I forgot how to open my eyes.
  • I’m hungry again.
  • I can’t move my arms at all; make my swaddle looser.
  • I want daddy to stop tickling me.
  • IMG_2763My hat is covering my eyes.
  • I will cry and scream and wail until your ears bleed unless you flip me over and let me stare at the ceiling, which I will graciously and contentedly do for half an hour while you mop up your ear blood. Really, was that so hard? I just love ceilings!
  • Those wipes are cold.
  • I have to burp.
  • I face-butted your shoulder while you were burping me and now my nose hurts.
  • I want to talk but words are hard.
  • I’m so hungry I forgot how to eat.
  • I kicked my socks off and now my feet are cold.
  • I spit-up all over my mitten and now it’s wet and making my hand cold.
  • IMG_2929I hit myself in the eye while flailing around.
  • I have to fart.
  • I want you to hold me horizontally.
  • I wormed my way out of my swaddle while I was sleeping. I just wanted to let you know you’re not very good at swaddling.
  • I have the hiccups and they’re scary.
  • I found my ear and starting pulling and now my ear hurts.
  • I’m still hungry.
  • I want you to hold me vertically.
  • My fart smells funny.
  • I scratched my face while flailing around. I want my wet mitten back.
  • You tried giving me a pacifier and I gagged on it.
  • I just woke up and forgot where I am and what you look like.
  • I have to spit up.
  • I hit myself in the face with this ball I was holding with my hand while flailing around. Man, I really need to learn how to work my hands.
  • I started crying and forgot how to stop.
  • And now I have the hiccups and I’m crying and I can’t do both at once very well which is disappointing.
  • You changed my diaper and that means food time, right? Why isn’t there food yet?
  • I want to stare at the ceiling again.
  • You tried to give me a bottle. That’s just mean.
  • I’m awake.
  • I’ve been kicking my legs and they caught on my sleeper gown and stretched the neck of it down to my bellybutton and now the back of my neck hurts.
  • IMG_2874I want daddy to hold me.
  • Okay, now I want you to hold me again.
  • My finger jam is wrapped around my thumb and I can’t get it off.
  • You sniffled and that scared me.
  • I’m so tired I can’t fall asleep.
  • I want to stare at the wall now.
  • I hate tummy time.
  • I was having a bad dream.
  • I want daddy to be able to feed me.
  • You sneezed and that really scared me. You know that scares me. Why would you do that?
  • I’m just practicing for when I grow up and will have real tears instead of just wet eyelashes that I can use to manipulate you.
  • I want to be held on my tummy.
  • Actually, I want you to change how you hold me every 9 seconds so it feels like one of those carnival rides daddy talks about.
  • I’m still hungry.
  • And I still have to poop.
  • What? Oh, nothing. I just wanted to see what you’d do.

6 thoughts on “Things My Baby Is Thinking When She Cries

  1. Great translation! (And hilarious post.) Someday Baby will be thirteen and you will wish with all your heart that you had never let her learn the same language you speak.

    • Haha, you’re probably right. I’m partly excited partly terrified for those dreaded teenage years!

      Maybe I’ll have to do a follow-up post in the future: “Things My Teenager is Thinking When She Rolls Her Eyes.” I’ll bet there are just as many possibilities!

  2. Yep, I think that about covers it! I particularly relate with him getting scared when I sneeze and when he wakes up. Also now that he’s older he’s starting to get upset at the toys he’s playing with. But wants them back 15 seconds later. Oh the joys of motherhood :)

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